Many times she can be truly excited about something small and it's very genuine. You get a huge hug and kiss if you get her favorite snack at the grocery store or if you pick up a new shirt at Target or she gets a card in the mail from Grandma with a dollar in it. It's an innocent, genuine thank you.
Recently, we have seen more and more of her truly joyful side. There's no doubt it's real happiness and not just the manic side of her mental illness. It's both sad and hopeful. Sad that it doesn't happen very often and sad that it's a relatively recent experience. Hopeful, that there is joy for Z.
I first got a glimpse of her genuine, happy side on some of our last passes when she was in residential care. I tried to capture it with some pictures because it's hard to even describe, we just expect young kids to be happy. On one of our passes we were having lunch at a hamburger place that Grandpa Archie liked in the Midwest. The restaurant has these silly paper hats and Z really "hammed " it up for me with the hat. She was so cute and funny and she has this very genuine giggle and laugh! That laugh is so different from the stressed, forced manic laugh. You have to know her well to really understand the difference.
This weekend was Fiesta Skate, the largest figure skating competition in AZ. I've been involved in it for 25 years. The last few years our Special skaters have participated in the competition. Some years Z has been in the event and others she wasn't able to skate due to her mental illness. This year she has been waiting for weeks for the competition, following how her dress was coming along and practicing every week. She would ask each morning if it was the day of the "skating show"? Saturday was finally the day. Z was so happy and she continued that genuine joy for the entire morning through getting ready at home and waiting for the events to start at the rink. She greeted people at the rink and responded to others with a smile and excitement and giggles. It's hard to explain the significance of this unless you understand how difficult it is for someone with bipolar disorder to maintain their mood and children have rapid cycles. She smiled through her entire skating program. She was thrilled with the stuffed animals thrown on the ice after she was done. She stayed around where all the skaters were gathered waiting their turn and was obviously enjoying the moment with her friends. She knew that awards and pictures came next and was very good waiting her turn.
